Sunday Oct 26 - Arusha - Swahili Families and Born Again Christians

Sunday, October 26th, 2008 ******Arusha, uncle mike's place****

Its often confusing for me when my friends introduce me to their families. If I was to interpret the information I receive regarding family relations literally (which is usually my tendency), I would conclude that most of my friends and acquaintances have at least 2 mothers, two fathers and a ridiculous amount of siblings. It comes down to this: you refer to everybody in your related family as per their generation, rather than their relation to you. For instance, the same day I met Issack last August he introduced me to his Dad and Mom, two sisters and one brother. Later I found out that the Dad was in fact his uncle, and one of the sisters was actually his cousin. Because I am continually trying to distinguish actual relations when I meet his family, Issack now often stops himself and thinks before introduces me to someone. He will now introduce each of his scores of male cousins as his "cousin brother" - still needing to include the word brother as a symbol of their close relationship. Friends are also often referred to as sisters and brothers, rarely just “rafiki" which could be anybody in the street. Basically you have:

your rafiki - literally means friend, used as soon as you set eyes on someone.

your besti - your best friend(s), not related but have a lot in common and can talk with each other for hours

your shemeji - your brother or sister in law - this can refer to anyone who is the boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband of someone you call your sister or brother - OR - anybody that your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband calls his/her sister or brother

your dada or kaka - sister or brother oh my god, anybody can be called that.

your baba or mama - mother or father can be anyone from the generation above your own, or someone of your own age group that you feel the need to show respect to.

your bibi or babu - grandmother or grandfather, anyone from the two generations above you or someone you wish to show respect to

There are names for uncles and aunties in Swahili that are often used for strangers and people use the English forms as well. It’s confusing to me though because when people speak literally about their relations an uncle that is older than my father is called my "big father" and an uncle that is younger than my father is called my "small father". Whereas is someone calls a person "big mother" is probably means she's just fat.

In my own adopted family (they adopted me here, not the other way around) I have two sisters, two aunties, one uncle and one grandfather, all of which are siblings or half siblings. No, its not incest, its just how our relationships developed. Some of the children of this generation call me sister, some call me auntie, some call me simply Mwamba (my Swahili name) and one calls me Mommy. Its a great feeling being included in the family in this way, confusing as it may be, I have become totally used to it and as I become closer to some, their names change from cousin to brother, from sister to "my child", from "auntie" to "my auntie"... etc.

There is another factor in the family confusion which is the fact that Tanzanian men can legally maintain marriages with 4 women. Step children, half-siblings and even nieces, nephews and grandchildren can grow up in one house, smudging the family lines but ultimately creating a rock hard family unit. Back in Canada I would never think to show up at an aunt or uncle's house expecting room and board (although I'm sure I could) because my parents and I are quarrelling or because my dad's new wife wants a new start. Here in Tanzania and in other African countries I have visited finding a family that is raising only children of the parents that live in the house is very rare. People have children here and pass them around like a fruit tray. Mind you, everything is shared among family here and sending a child to another family member to raise is usually in the child's best interest.

At the moment I am super pleased to be staying in Issack's uncle's place for a few days. Life in Moshi has become hectic and this house is a quiet haven where the only thing that disturbs me is the evangelical radio that blasts in the kitchen half the day. I should clarify, if the reader would kindly and patiently follow along, that I am not staying where Uncle Mike lives, but at the home of his first wife where currently there are only three people technically living - Issack, his aunt and a house girl who is actually a house woman as she is 38 years old with 3 kids. Last night Issack and I brought Issack's son, Kelven, who currently lives with Issack's sister, Nancy to Uncle Mike's son's (also named Mike) 9th birthday party at Uncle Mike's second wife's house. Mike Junior is turned nine yesterday, catching up with his nephew Kelven, who will be 10 in December. Mike Junior was very upset when he found out that he was not allowed to have a sleep over with his nephew and best friend Kelven at hosted by Issack and I at Uncle Mike's first wife's house as his mother doesn't want her child exposed to her predecessor's "born again Christian" lifestyle.

Born Again Christians are the closest I have seen to a cult since I arrived in TZ. They are Evangelical in nature and overzealous in action. Once you join their church, they hold a ceremony where you burn all of your worldly goods to start a fresh new life. Oh ya, that’s healthy and constructive. Of course I must add my usual disclaimer and say that every Born Again Christian I have met in TZ has been good as gold, though overbearing.